If I ever die of an overdose…

Just so we are clear, if I ever die of an overdose of random sleeping medications, it was not a successful attempt at suicide. It was simply an overly successful attempt at #180247231 / gettyimages.com sleep. That is all.

Newsflash: Eminem is White!

#187789276 / gettyimages.com This was funny. Eminem NFL pregame video was on. Riley: who is that guy? Me: Eminem. Riley: no it’s not. Me: yes it is! Riley: HE’S WHITE?!? Me: Yes…Are you serious? Riley: (long pause) Really? Me: Yes. Really. Riley: Whatever!!! I”m SMH at this girl!

Tis the shopping season!

It is my sincerest hope that Mother Nature deals Black Friday a serious dose of below zero temperatures, high winds, and lots of moisture starting Thursday evening around 8pm. I’m only kidding. If it was up to me, we wouldn’t even have holidays like thanksgiving it Christmas or Easter. They’d all just be replaced with […]

Oklahoma, Walmart and Teeth

I’m a shallow, judgmental, hypocrite of a person but damn it I just can’t let it go. Here’s the thing: Oklahoma and Wal Mart. Add in the word “Teeth” and then tell me which one doesn’t belong. I think you know where this one is going… So I’m at Wal Mart today because my instructions […]

Age estimating

#102410966 / gettyimages.com Helpful hint of the day: Never, EVER, ever ever ever ever ever, for any reason, under any circumstances, over estimate a woman’s age when guessing. Go LOW. Go WAAAAAY low. In fact. I’d recommend not even guessing at all. Don’t go by their kids ages. Don’t go by their job. Don’t go […]

I hope someday I have the kind of money to go around leaving generous tips for waiters and waitresses. I know the struggle that many people are going through. To be blessed with the ability to influence the lives of ransom strangers like that, with nothing in return…and to act on it as this person […]

http://www.dontdieangry.com/2014/11/19/296/

Internet Dating Tips

Tips and tricks from the land of the unsuccessful Internet dater: If your username is… ClassyPieceOfAss I have no advice for you, because the words I would share would clearly be well beyond the means of your understanding. #cantmakethatshitup

Advil with Ion Core Technology

New fast acting Advil with Ion Core Technology… I’m not sure I want Ion Core Technology in my pain medicine. That sounds more like something I want in my golf ball.   Now it only takes 18 minutes to work, instead of 20.   Note: May cause headaches, backaches, loss of bladder and or bowel […]

Naked and nearly dead!

I just had a near naked death experience. You ever done this? So I’m looking forward to a nice long hot shower where I……..wash my hair and clean my body like any normal person. I disrobe, and turn on the shower, and remember suddenly that I’m out of bar soap. Not to fear! I have […]

Dead Hookers for Christmas

#183039310 / gettyimages.com I gotta be honest. I’m on the naughty list. And if I wake up Christmas morning and there are stockings hanging anywhere in my house it doesn’t matter what’s in them, I had a good Christmas!* *Dead hookers excluded.